apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
