i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
