The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
