What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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