If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Randomize
