Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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