apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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