At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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