haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
