Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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