Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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