This is not my ceiling
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
