But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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