No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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