1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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