Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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