Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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