Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
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