I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
