So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Randomize
