Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
