batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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