We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
