My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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