You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
