i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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