u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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