The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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