I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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