Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
