I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize