whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize