i think my mom watched the whole time
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
