Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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