Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
