She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
