I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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