Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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