What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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