you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
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