I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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