Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
