Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Is Oprah even human
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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