I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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