just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
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