Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
