Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
