What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
