brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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