Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize