i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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