Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
this will be a night to untag.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
