I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
