Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
