yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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