Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Don't tell me you're on acid again
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
My life is pants optional.
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