i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
