I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
