I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
He passed out mid-signature
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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