The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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