I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
