saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
