last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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