You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
