I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
