Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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