"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize