when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
