i just google imaged poop.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
