How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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