I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I think my nap took me to another dimension
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
