sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
