I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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