yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
