That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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