Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
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