He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
