i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
