Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Of course I have a pirate flag
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
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