mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
