I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
