Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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