Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Randomize
