i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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