I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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