Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
