had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
