im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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