She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
