Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
