So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
