I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize