if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42ā€¯ tv lol
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