You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
