i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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