Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
