Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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