I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I love having hate sex.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
