you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
