plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
